So last night I called Jeffrey at like 10 and he got all pissy and me and Mike and Shannyn made fun of him for being a bitchy princess. Mike and Shannyn came to see me and we tricked Thusan and Shannyn got to spend the night, we pulled an all nighter and had fun watching Viva La Bam. They left at like 5.30am. LoL. I worked tonight at 5, but before I left Jeffrey called. Aww. How sweeeet, but then he made me angry. He doesn't wanna come up on Friday cuz he would rather fiend and mooch off of Laura for Addies. Asshole. I wish he didnt act like such a fiend, maybe it's just me thinking it retarded to need pills to help your state of mind. All you have to do is do that yourself, I'm just weird with thinking pills can change your mental status for a positive because I had a bad thing with anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, they made me a zombie, I'd rather be suicidal than not know how to feel. And the fact I was absolutely addicted to certain pills at one point in time so I worry. I do them every now and then for fun but I don't get like I was. And so I asked if he wanted to come up Saturday if Mike and Shannyn come up and he was like yeah but I don't want to spend the night cuz I wanna be in my own bed blah blah. I know it's hard to be comfortable in a twin size bed with someone else, he can have the god damn bed and I'll take the couch. I just wanna see him, and if they come up it won't be till late, so there's no point in coming if they don't stay the night. Meh, he called. It was sweet of him. I'm so into it, but I'm not getting googoo over it yet, totally into it and all, cuz if I do then I'll get extremely hurt if it all falls down. I won't get into it too much till I know it's safe. Cuz then the pain is worth it when it comes.
Aww.. Shannyn said she hopes I don't end up getting hurt.. So sweet. She seems to be the only one that knows where I'm coming from in all of this. Shannyn is so weird. Like, I've pretty much been friends with her since the first day of school when I moved her, later discovering that we chilled when we were little cuz of the mutual friends we had, summerkids and all. But I remember one of our phone convos when we first became friends. We told each other our life stories. She told me all about her dad and mom and George and her life-drama, and I did the same. And then the both of us said how weird it was that for knowing each other such a short period of time we both opened up on some really touchy subjects pretty comfortably. We've gone through some tough shit with each other and some awesome shit. I mean, there were some times where we stopped talking for months, but the past year and a half, 2 years, we've been pretty close. We both grew up alot. She's always been a friend of mine though. Even though I considered Brittany my best friend cuz we told each other everything and sometimes didn't have to, Shannyn and I were closer than me and Brittay were. I usually don't have to fully explain myself as much with Shannyn and we can have intelligent convos with eahc other. Shannyn really is who I consider my best friend. I don't know if she feels the same way, but that's how I feel. Brittany and her are who I considered my best friends, but Shannyn is on such a different level. She's been welcome to alot more intimate details of my life. She's the only one that ever met my dad and knows the story with him step by step. The one who will never turn her back on me unless I were to like, stab her, even then I think we'd be talking a week later. I just.. As I worry about people back home and stuff, and how things are different, like being there for certain people and now I can't be in the same way, I worry about Shannyn. I mean as much as I am the immature headcase and all, she seems very mature but is still a little girl with issues and confusion, and I just worry about her cuz who's house is she gonna run to or get smuggled into when shit gets bad with her mom and other things? I worry about little things like that. I try to help people keep shit together, which is probably why my life has gone so long untogether. Does any of this makes sense? Shannyn do u wanna be my maid of honor? LoL.. Well, that's very far ahead, but to a more recent tune, would you like to be my baby's godmother? LoL.